1+1 = 2

i used to believe in something
like a faith or something, but i don't really know what that something is
and its really very strong
but its fading gradually, something is killing it.
i don't know why.
i think its time for a change. i'll see how that goes
anyways, so.. i dont know what else to say,
i am just rumbling...

dad said i looked weird
coz of my hair
but i insist of keeping it
as long as i am happy
nothing they say can ever change me
i am me.

nice? this may be in my namecard in the future

Everyday and night, the only one thing i seek is skills

Thinking back, all the tuition centres i went in the past, it has been a great entertainment for the bookworms and a big humiliation for me. Thats explains why i had low self-esteem.

i figured the root of my low self-esteem. It all happened 2 years ago, when my mum signed me up for tuition at a tuition centre. I had been called up very often to the whiteboard to write all the questions i couldn't solve, that all the clever kids there could solve in a minute. All i do is, stare at the board for a long time. From then on, I could no longer stand strong infront of a crowd anymore.

Its okay to be not okay.

Follow the morning star 
On a land where darkness failed 
The passion left unholy 
Now you find yourself 
We have nowhere to go 
No-one to wish us well 
A cry to find a home 

I have something to say, but its not important anyway

Love Escapism is all i need

Went to cousin's house today
the last time i went, i was obsessed with his hamsters.
now i am crazy over his parrot. haha!











Back to work tomorrow. mehhhh~

There's so many things that I could say 
But I'm sure it would come out all wrong 
You've got something that I can't explain 
Still I try and try and let you know 
Summer we spent, one could never forget 
Looking for any kind of reason to escape all the mess 
That we thought is what made us 
Ain't it funny now, we can see 
We're who we're meant to be 

You still have all of my 
You still have all of my 
You still have all of my heart 
(Ohhhh) 

There's so many things left to say 
I could have been better and stronger for you and me 
You always make me feel okay 
Those late summers we may stay up talking all night 
I ask, "You think we'll ever make it?" 
You say, "I'm sure, if it's right." 
And it's funny to think how stupid I used to be 
Hope you always believe 

You still have all of my 
You still have all of my 
You still have all of my heart 
(X2) 

Let them talk and talk and talk 
Let them say what they want 
We will laugh at the thought; they don't know what we got 
Every year that goes by, a year older we are 
You'll still be beautiful then, bless your beautiful heart 

We'll talk and talk and talk 
How crazy it seems 
We can waste our whole lives helplessly 
Just patiently waiting for a love like you and me 
(For a love) 

You still have all of my 
You still have all of my 
You still have all of my heart 
(X2)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRyI2BEjGnE

Sleeping with sirens- All my heart

You're always shutting me down, always.

i wanna talk to you
i miss you
but all the chat was, asking how's your day in school
its not a chat, its rather an interview
i dont know if you wanna talk to me, but it makes me sad every time i try to talk to you
when i ran out of topic, i have no choice but to end the conservation.
Can you like, talk to me ? D:
or, do you hate me?

Why you so pretty?

SEE THAT BOY DOING HIS HOMEWORK IN HOMEROOM? … HE COULDN’T DO IT LAST NIGHT BECAUSE HE WAS TOO BUSY TALKING HIS BEST FRIEND OUT OF SUICIDE.

SEE THAT GIRL, WITH HER FACE CAKED IN MAKE UP? … SHE’S BULLIED, SHE NEEDS TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

SEE HIM, THE ONE WHO WEARS LONG SLEEVES EVERYDAY? … HE COVERS HIS ARMS TO HIDE THE SCARS.

SEE HER, WITH THE CHEAP, HAND-ME-DOWN CLOTHES? … HER FAMILY CAN’T AFFORD FOOD FOR HALF THE MONTH, LET ALONE GET BRAND NAMES.

SEE THE GIRL WHO LAUGHS AND SMILES AT EVERY LITTLE THING? … SHE CRIES HERSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT.

WONDER WHY SHE NEVER LETS HER FRIENDS OVER HER HOUSE? … BECAUSE SHE’S AFRAID THEY’LL SEE HER DAD PASSED OUT DRUNK ON THE FLOOR, AS ALWAYS.

SEE HOW THAT GIRL CRINGES AS RAPE JOKES? … SHE WAS RAPED.

SEE THE BOY WHO EVERYONE GOES TO FOR ADVICE? … HE WISHES SOMEONE WOULD DO THE SAME FOR HIM.

SEE THE GIRL WHO NEVER BRINGS A LUNCH? … SHE’S DISGUSTED BY HER BODY.

SEE HER, WITH THE LITTLE WAIST? … SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM AND FORCES HERSELF TO THROW UP SO THAT SHE CAN KEEP HER WAIST THAT WAY.

SEE THE BOY OVER THERE, SEE THE DARK CIRCLES UNDER HIS EYES? … HE HAS INSOMNIA, HE FEARS WHAT HE’LL SEE IN HIS DREAMS.

SEE THAT GIRL DAYDREAMING OVER THERE? … SHE HAS SCHIZOPHRENIA.

SEE THE BOY BITING HIS NAILS? … HE HAS CANCER AND HE’S WONDERING HOW MUCH TIME HE HAS LEFT.

SEE YOUR BEST FRIEND? … SHE’S ADDICTED TO DRUGS, BUT SHE CAN’T TELL YOU BECAUSE YOU WONT UNDERSTAND.

SEE THAT BOY READING ALL ABOUT 9/11? … HIS PARENTS DIED ON THAT DAY. SEE HER, WITH HER PHONE ON HER AT ALL TIMES? … SHE’S WAITING FOR A CALL SAYING HER SISTER WAS FOUND AFTER A KIDNAPPING 4 YEARS AGO.

DON'T JUDGE

i just feel that everyone is very selfish
and they are judging ue 24/7
they wont give a damn about ue and will always try to make the use out of ue.
fuck them, here, once again, i felt that i am being used again
why do i always revert back to my old ways
i need to remind myself not to be so kind to everyone,

let's go to sleep
and pray for miracle
that we all be dead when we woke up

just got home, returned my sis her camera, and got scolding from her, nagging from mum & dad
not in a very good mood now
i cant cohere with any of my siblings
i just hate humanity, so many problems.
we are all fuckedup
fuck the world!
i am sorry i had to rant today.

Hey, i am having my holidays now, maybe we can hangout sometime?


... who am i talking to ...

Very much inspired by Noise Singapore
there are many amazing illustrations of youth all over singapore submitted online
nice ! further, this gave me a boost to start working on my portfolio
well, portfolio isnt easy building up . It takes time and inspiration.
oh well, there are dreams which i can work on, it can be my personal work
but its something i like to work on. and that can be included in my portfolio
havent done much illustrations lately. oh, theres one, one on the topic loneliness
i submitted already, but haven't take a picture of it.
i spent 7 hours coloring it. its all manual work
my friend from the other class, sketch and scan, then color it in photoshop,
then had it printed out, woah, the effects is awesome.

i have a dream sequel to work on.
it can be a series work. Gonna be a mixed media illustrations.
next week is 1 week tutorial break. Gonna paint my wall again,
and probably finished up my research on the upcoming projects, and the dream sequel.


nice plan. :D

happy birthday edmund !
havent seen my sec sch friends for a long time
so glad to have a dinner together.
had to leave early since there's school tomorrow
today's test were easy, haha.
got back my design drawing studio practice book
was very disappointed with myself
i was lazy, some of the work, were graded badly because there were no shading,
and its not precise enough. if only i can resubmit. regretful..

Defined and confined.
what's within is nothing but a state of solitude
His past had been long forgotten.
All he remember now is living each day with absolute solitude
He could have been saved, he could.
But loneliness creeps in and kill him slowly day and night.
Until a part of him is gone.
He no longer care for his humanity, and no longer yearn for a soulmate.
For he is now a walking zombie.
Yet deep down inside, was a boy whom used to care.

holyshit, i forgot my laptop charger, and left it at the library
i realised it only when i got home
it was a long torturous night .
i had been thinking about it.
lucky, my fren retrieve for me . phew~

nope, thats not the way
i am reverting my own ways again
i am becoming too kind to everyone.
time to draw the line.

happy chinese new year !

i'll let you sit beside me that i won't share with anyone else

chinese new year is coming,
woohoo!
i got a feeling~
i wanna become an art director in my life
for that to happen, i gotta study hard
for me to study hard, i need inspirations and mood
for me to set my mood, i need a new set of speakers.
and for me to get fresh new ideas, i need a camera. XD


make sense rght?
but i am asking too much?
hmmm...

oh. look at all the couples holding hands..

went for introduction to graphic design this afternoon,
watch a video of ancient paintings.
its about science, art, anthropology and human mind
a great documentary, its call " how art made the world"
the homework is to do a review of the video
i done my 1st paragraph, brain dead. too tired. lol
gonna post it after i finish.

tmr's letterform.. typography again, sickening design elements. -.-
and its that rumoured very idiotic lecturer that kept making the students redo their work.
woah woah woah, no time to redo man, gonna produce quality work everytime. XD

tmr school reopen, and i cant sleep now
even though i ate flu pills that supposed to make me sleepy
gonna wake up very early tmr to register modules.
felt like a kiasu singaporean again. sigh~
why cant i sleep, and why isnt the pills working?
my nose is starting to itch again. oh gosh...

very lazy ..

its the last week left
so i am rushing all my art.
a canvas painted half way not done
the wall mural 40% done

there's always one thing in life that makes life unfair
that's limit. we have to control our appetite, or else we will grow fat
we have to die, because if not the world will be over-populated
we have to go, because we have to carry on with our lives
we have to, blah.. in everything we do, there's a limit
even when you're enjoying yourself with alcohols or cigs
smoke too much drink too much, you get health problems
mehhh~
finally finished painting my 3d wall effect

all the things in 2010 still remain vividly in my mind
let me look through..

JAN- results were out, devastated.
FEB- take charge of my life, took the admission test. CNY wasnt fun at all
MAR- Passed the test, got a place in NAFA, however pestered by MINDEF for ns.
APR- took a break . while slowly finding job.
MAY- finally got a job, met new friends.
JUN- grew tired of the job, major food poisoning X.X
JUL- quitted job, Orientation. school started
AUG- struggling in school
SEP- shits happened, friends sucks
OCT- uphill of life, on momentum for assignments
NOV- finish school, vacation. ... grandpa passed away...
DEC- results were out, shocked, failed 1 module, the rest wasnt that great.

many shits happened, 2010 ought to be a good year.
i hope next year will be a better year for all of us.

its the last second day of 2010

pretty fucked right now..
going to the central provident fund to clear my doubts about the education scheme
and 2 more days to modules registration, will have to camp by the comp to register.
its on a 1st come 1st serve basis. make me sound so kiasu

and fuck singapore arts scene, i failed the overview test, which is only 20 mcq questions
now i gonna retake. fuck that shit. come on, give me a written test , dont give me such mcq questions
you know , i have problems making choices in life.

and lastly, why do all bad boys can't just stay loyal and devoted .
they are tainting the reputation of good boys such as me.
i am gonna have to take graphic design, and animation. animation is pretty troublesome, 100pages of flipbook drawing.   -_-
blah~ fuck them all, i swear, one of my new year resolution is to get better in school
trust me, i will .

few more days left to new year.
i hope everyone who feel weak this year, will become stronger next year.

slept at 12am last night
woke up at 1pm today.
dreamt alot of things, very disturbing

1st, i dreamt of me going to a lanshop
but i brought my own laptop to play.
then, i went to a bookstore nearby
bought 2 books, didnt check the price
after that i decided to take a cab home.
i slept at the back of the cab, i dont know why my godsis boarded the cab with her siblings
then when it arrived at godsis destination
her siblings told her i was sleeping, lol.
then i woke up in the cab, they took a look at my book,
one of the book costs $685 . then i woke up in reality
phew~

the next dream, is wonderland.
as in, its a tourists spot, but its in singapore
went there with my parents, the place was freaking big, with so many palace and gates
and many of the tourists were 80years old ++
i wondered if this is where we all go after we depart frm earth. haha

3rd dream, some evil monsters disrupt my lunch
i fought with long chopsticks. very gruesome battle
it was easy killing them, i just pierce the chopsticks into their body, and blood came gushing out. ewww
theres a story going on in the dream, but its too intense, i forgot about the story

4th dream, i went back to secondary school
1st day of school, teacher had to arrange our seats
i was allocated beside maggie.
but weird, i saw another her at the 1st row
she told me she's not a twin or anyone affiliated to her
the imposter maggie, seems to talk alot, dress like her and always smile
damn weird lah, lol
then i finally got tired of sleeping , i woke up.

just 10days left to new year countdown..
this year isnt that great as i thought.
many tragic things sort of happened.
hope it would be a better year next year.
these 10 days, i shall spend the time reflecting of those events that are quite major
and also, conserve my energy as much as possible for semester 2.
this whole year, hasnt been romantic , not even one bit.
fuck my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE !

G_    F_ _ K
Y _ _ RS_ LF


would you like to buy a vowel?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

went to grandpa's funeral over the week
didnt have much sleep
his cause of death started when he went to that damn house
fell and got a deep cut on his toes
he lost his appetite over the days, and resort to drinking water to keep himself full
and this caused his kidneys and lungs to deteoriate
on tuesday night, he departed.all of them were there, except my bro and i
i was in great remorse. i stayed back one night, to fold the incense paper for him
a big box of them, that cut down a little of my guilt
REST IN PEACE grandpa, ue will always be remembered

and i have learnt alot of values of the week
2 more days to my birthday, i am happy cause i have an escape - drinking alcohol.
right now i am pondering whether i should work or not. its for a month, very short though, but i cant practice my art. however i can bring my sketchbook there to sketch too.
maybe i should work.

these days i have been sleeping alot
and lately nightmares are occuring at some unholy hour
finally, today, i came out with a campaign, that was anticipated & procastinated
the one thing that i have been longing to do,
and thats to paint my wall
i sorted out my ideas from the books i have borrowed from library, guess i have to return them soon
and i figured i can't do my t shirt designs until i finish this thingy
i came out with a theme - fuzzy sinister
its gonna be cute but cute. lol
and what i need, couple of canvas board, white paints to cover up the vandalism
paint roller, and perhaps some acrylics
and my hair is growing out of shape lately
its disturbing and uncomfortable looking at myself in the mirror
gonna cut it soon next week, maybe monday.
for the weekends, i am gonna do the layouts and plannings for the wall murals, and do some sketches to finalise the work. no more slacking. hmm the budget for this campaign, i need 50 bucks?
hope, its enough. and after this is done, i think i can get back my momentum in doing the t shirts design.
hope so. please.

i figured how to end the day faster, sleep in the morning, wake up at evening for your dinner, sleep
and wake up in the middle night till the morning.
and thats a cycle. hahaha.

Do you have a good soul? ask yourself everynight before sleep

i am feeling very negative now.

isp finally submitted. tmr 's presentation, and its over.

never in my life before, i felt like this

dreamt of a white horse today in my horse
its very big , gallant and vibrant
it came to me, as though i own it.
and its very cute, it wandered off to the garden when i was doing work
i felt neglected, so i went to find it
it was laying down,  and when it saw me coming, it stood up and ran to me
i fed with with water,  the horse refused to drink, then i check, its dirty
so i pour away, and refill, then it drank!
hahaha!

i went google to find out the interpretation
it symbolised happiness, purity
in any case, horse always symbolise sex drive and the energy
but it dont seem like it in this case
i am happy to have own it, even its just a dream
beautiful~ i am gonna paint it down during my holidays

Everything you thought you'd be I thought before I thought before it. And I wanted to strangle you. Strangle you so hard you could choke and bleed. But I'd have to see it because you enjoyed my good pleasure as much as I enjoyed your pleasures to you. I want to kill you. 

i am just the ground that you happened to fall on .

BE STEADY
isp is a piece of cake :D


10.1 are a contemplative title that requires critical thinking and a prolonged thought about it before getting started. There is no exact definition of 10.1, only interpretation. From my point of view, 10.1 could mean a series of events. It can also be interpreted as 10.1 things happening during a crucial time or situation. Or 10.1 could be a special date; a certain timing to commemorate or celebrate an anniversary or other event.

Something triggered in my mind, the idea came across as I was watching a documentary on mother care. This is where I arrived at my concept – 10.1 commitments of a mother. Describing a mother’s love is virtually impossible. It is a feeling that can only truly be understood by those that experience it. Mothers give a awful lot of support to their children, whether it involves very visible support or simple background encouragement. Mothers job is not always an easy one. Mothers have to make sacrifices. Mothers can have their hearts broken. Mothers must be the conscience of young children and often the brunt of their anger and pain as they grow into adulthood. Over the years, I realized I have matured through the guidance of my mother. So I decided to dedicate this project to my beloved mother.

I would like to do this project in a illustrative manner, in preparation for my major- illustrations. For the past few weeks of lessons in “ intro to illustrations” my work have been untidy and messy due to the convenience use of soft pastels. Even though it blends the colors well and give a soft feeling, but my clumsy fingers always smudge the colors. I thought of making a book, and a poster as the final outcome of this project.

Since my topic is about mothers’ commitment, this will seek attention of educators and children. I will relate my concept of commitments of a mother to a mother bird, as it appeals to children as interesting picture. The mother bird archetype is undeniably heartwarming, and the bird world is rife with the symbols of motherhood. As parents or educators read the book to the children, they can narrate the sequence of events, and the kids will relate to their mother because it is part of human nature that mother plays a big part of great influence to their children. To conclude the moral of the story in my book, the poster will convey a clear and direct message to the children with a heartwarming illustration of a human mother and a child. My intention of this concept is to educate the children the importance of motherhood.

This communicative concept should answer all investigative questions about the project title in the final presentation. Content must represent accurate information from the time period of my investigation. The book includes text and illustrations.
Text wrapped around or placed around an illustration should not detract from the power of the illustration. The cover and text design should be creative and fanciful to attract more attention. The techniques should be consistent in this project so as to achieve maximum attention and consistency. The use of color is also another important factor. The choice of color used to enhance the design and the composition of the layout.

Everyday it's still the same dull knife

done using photoshop cs5 , and wacom intuous 4.
1st digital drawing.

no, i dont feel sad
i feel apathetic. -.-

i am always looking back into the past
hoping that somethings are not in my history
and i look back, asking why am i so ugly last time
all the bullshits i've done , if only i could be alitte bit more sensible
i am just a fucked up guy , who never get contented enough
for the things that he had, he never seem to be happy enough.
days passed like nothing to him, all it matters is just his studies.
he got no life. i got no life..
sigh~

and i ask myself again, why am i so ugly.

life is just about meeting people ,and death is not the end
there are happenings in our sleep, and they are called dreams
a series of weird , funny, sad or whatever events happening
in fact, death is more interesting than life.
upon so many people we met, the ones that we bear to part are our love ones
for a lifetime, its a blessing and fate to have them as your special ones
but they can be in your life in your dreams for an eternity
have no fear of losing them, we will still have them in the realm of dreams
everyone's worst regret is having not taught how love.
yes, everyone.

hahaha, i realised all my recent posts is about art and schoolwork
nothing personal , thats because i've got no life
no personal life, no nothing
and i think i am condemned
i may just be a loner forever, hahaha, who cares~
but inside of me, theres emotions struggling
i arent sure what are they.

woohoo, its friday.

ahh fuck, 10/10/10?
cut it some slack huh?
my integrated studio project theme is called " 10.1"
who would come out with this crazy idea
0.1 means the unexpected things thats gonna happen last
eg, 10 things ure always bullied blah blah, 0,1 is ue triumph over those losers
we had to do this within 3 weeks, cmon, i am super hyped up with it
the title isnt "dream" , i mistaken, it was last year's
sigh~ 10.1 .... i need ideas, gonna do a illustration, storyboard, card, poster , billboard
and as many as i can do, gonna score for this ! ^^

my assignments are almost done, design element's lecturer last day with us today
though he always rush us, give us negative comments, and demoralise the fuck out of us early morning
i think i learnt alot from him, " quality in time " is what i shall conclude
time is everything, the most important yet cruel factor, quality is the tidyness and the best out of ue
ue gotta grasp the control of these 2 factors in order to excel
thankyou mr jefrrey

he said that my typography looks fanciful ,
er, i was trained like that , straight typography isnt my type
which is why i am decorative and arty in my past assignments
nothing wrong in that right? though, ue can say my designs are fanciful , i felt its my style?
i am putting illustration into typography, like a hybrid art. ahh~
you wouldn't understand :D

this is the fantasy illustration that i've been working on since week 8, this is the 13th week
1month + , the theme is " macabre& horror"
this illustration tells a story
lol, ok i made this up

there once live a girl and boy , happily together
one night, a sex drive drove the boy crazy in the night of a red full moon
the boy killed the girl
years later , every date that the girl died, the boy went back to where the girl died,
hoping to see her again . He was of coz struck by lycanthropy .
the soul of the girl however lingers , tragically .
and finally, they both came together again.

blah, i dont know how to tell a story, hope ue knw what i meant
very very sad story, sigh~ look at the girl..




and this

3d done, photograhy done
design element , 70% done
drawing & composition , left 2 more perspective drawing on transparency
creative process, 50% , left with theme-board and final work
advertising done! yay! illustraton left with the card and powerpoint, wooohooo!
everything's so smooth and sexy


below are the photos of my 3d final work
its a duck made of newspaper mache
hows issit?

its been 3 and a half hours, and i am still doing my fantasy final piece
hang on.. X.X
shall upload tmr, it shall be amazing since i take so long to do it right?

from the grudge 2 wahhhhhh fucking stress ! did that artwork up there 30mins ago still got so much work to do, and tomorrow's monday again ok, let me show ue what i am capable of bye~

woah! all the old stuffs from my phone. LOL! dug them out

finally, design element assignment is finally here
worst than ever, not difficult
but troublesome, and i gonna my perspective tomorrow, and end it once and for all
for now, i am like fighting a war, clearing empires . one by one

photography done , left with research and development
phew~ i can finally smile, LOL

rawr ~ my homework are piled up like a shitload of mountain
-.- fuck .
damn stress.

cant sleep
caught a cold @ 3am, have been sneezing non stop since then,
waking up at 6.30, so might as well don't sleep.
sigh~ so many projects to do.
ok, i'll list them out, so i can have a peace of mind
1, 3d design
2. photography -table top shoot.
3, illustration fantasy( rationale , influence, research , layout, colour scheme)
4, creative process - mindmap, sketches, not done, have to construct a clock based on a profession -.-
5, advertising, sickening powerpoint presentation, hope dont need to present , just submit.

ok thats about it, later, when i come back from sch, gonna do illustration as much as possible
maybe, research, influence, sketches, and layout completed by tonight.
sigh~ sleep deprived. sucks.

did this today ! for 5 hours !
my camera sucks, 3.2 mp.
nice right? hardcore violent shading. XD

i am writing these shits, because, i dont want school to reopen
school rocks, but everyone else sucks.
it sucks to be alone, but i lost of the trust of everyone
its easy to put up a strong front, a solitude, a facade
but deep down inside, it really really suck to be around with people you dont want to see.
fuck...

as you step out of your adolescene , out of your school, into college and your pre-adult life
everything's gonna be super different. and you will be hating it for sure
be prepared to gain haters , from your new " friends"
or continued to be hated by the people of your past.


coz, in this fucking world, there will be thousands of millions of judgement
everything you done, you got hated by people for particular reasons,
and its a endless cycle, you just got hated by them unjustly.
even if it's something you done wrong greatly, people just hate you forever,
They can talk shits for all they want.


someone who called another one a poser, is a poser themselves
just like, what my classmates said
someone who called another one a hypocrite, is one themselves.
YES, i am a hypocrite. i despise people, i segregate myself from the low class
the losers who have the lowest taste and preferences in life
i am a social outcast, who doesn't like, or even give a fuck to blend into the crowd
i am independently capable of doing everything on my own.

FUCK THEM ALLL !


                                               HAHAHA! they're my friends in NAFA
                                               their friendliness is harmless, perfectly genuine. :D

for the past few days,  i couldn't concentrate
i was distracted for no reasons and always ended up doing something else instead of my work
moodless, down , lost my direction in life
then today, i suddenly remembered about my dad, he wants me to work hard
all of the sudden, i got inspirations and adrenaline rush to do my work ,
i am gonna touch up, and refine all my drawings to the best
everything's gonna be done tomorrow, so that i can have a day off on sunday before school reopen.

i miss you
i miss you sooooo much
i miss you guys soooooooo much( even if i am not one of the guys)
yucks
i get goosebumps whenever i see or hear those three words.
its too fake, to say i miss you, with a minor or major personal vendettas

i have been hungry all day long, even if i finished my meal, 1 hour or so, i get hungry again
for 2 consecutive days, i have been awake till morning, when my mum woke up to prepare breakfast for dad.
my mum suspect that i've got diabetes. oh oh !
is it because i am too sweet?

was doing character development on ghost
and this appeared out brilliantly
today is wednesday, sigh~
next monday school again..

someone in my class posted
"those who said they hate hypocrites , are usually the biggest hypocrites themselves"

i am quite offended by this.
i did made a post saying about hypocrites
perhaps, she saw this and was angry
and now she made me angry too
i did make a post, because i was betrayed by my classmates,
and they clearly are hypocrites.

ok, as long as i know, they know, its fine
don't have to mind what others say.
in the end, karma will fuck you harder than anyone else.
conscience begs for me to do what's right.

i see school as a place to learn something ,
as long i do my work, i learn something
i don't see why i am losing out to the rest
some may say, if you don't mingle or socialise around, you lose out
but i see all these as bullshit.
clearly bullshit, as far as i tried my best to open up and bond with others
i got betrayed , and hated.
i hate group works, and presentation
i don't mind if i am given a tons of homework to be done alone
i just don't like to fucking share my views or do any work with others
it makes me upset when i got neglected and my points are nothing to them

life is bullshit anyway. friendships too.
i just got immune to loneliness already.

what i have in mind during the holidays is

currently doing a project for illustration
the theme is fantasy
my idea is about macabre and horror
zombies vs vampires?
maybe? hahaha
sshall upload once i finish.

tmr's my 3d theory test.
when it comes to design, i am better than anyone in remembering the terms
all the principles and element of design
i already mastered them
i can recite them like ABC
and can apply them like applying toothpaste

the colour theory, fucking easy, i gotta tell you that

whats a hue?
a hue is a name of which we identify a colour

whats value?
value is the degree of lightness or darkness in a hue

whats intensity /saturation?
intensity or saturation is measured by a colour's purity and brightness

see? i told you.

whats tints? whats shades?
in a value scale , the colour value lighter than normal is tints
darkers is shades. understand?


so, whats the 5 basic elements of design?
cmon man,

1, lines
2, shapes
3, forms
4,patterns
5,scale


to further apply this elements to create movement and dominance
we got another 5 elements

i remembered this by DDRRC

direction
dispersion
repetition
rhythm
congestion

HOHOHO!
and for dominance,
we've got

VALUE, CONTRAST, SCALE

to balance/unbalance an image
we have another sets of elements
its opposite of one another ,
eg

positive/negative
harmony/chaos
center/off center
smooth/rough
big/small
tension/calmness

i am super ready for the test, top form !^^

when your life feels lost, fight against all odds.

"I've said it once i've said it twice i've said it a thousand fucking times
That i'm ok that i'm fine that its all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me and i can't seem to sleep "- It never ends (bring me the horizon)




i am very fine now, i turned the tide
i were upset yesterday, but i am on top form today
completed all my weekly assignments, 
i am already starting on my character development for the major illustration project .
class chairman found something amiss, and gave me his concern
another dude from my class too
i am actually not alone , haha, 


valerie encouraged me too!






Life Quotes

grrrr, i cant sleep.
all the flashbacks in my mind, and yet i've to deal with 2 haters.
argh, new school, supposed to be peaceful, but there they are, 2 haters.
zzzz , its really not my fault, they were sensitive because ,
they couldnt compromise, and i was the middleman
sandwiched in between
maybe he was jealous, that i am friendly towards her
but , wtf man? i am friendly to everyone
infact, i think i am so friendly that everyone take advantage of me..
it really sucks. -.-
can anyone understand me? i am a peacemaker, not a troublemaker.
fuck! today when she cried and explained that she didnt like how the fucker commented abt the idea
flashbacks came thru my mind. brings me back to last year
though its a tragic year last year, i really miss her.
and when i just posted a comment on facebook,
saying that today she cried, let me thought of another person
and there he goes, ranting like a dog.
fine fine, i finally got to know their true identity
its been a facade all these while.

fucking hypocrites,
did the llustrations powerpoint, because i knew, we can never complete it outside
wasted 2 days trying to do the slides, but they just simply give excuses, saying tht they're tired blah blah
so i finished it by myself, printed out a hard copy for the lecturer, out of my own $
and they didnt even thank me for that. they just took me for granted.
emotional bullshit, i need that book.

why are the still problems in my life?
i guess i'll be alone in class from now.
fuck the world.
i bet no one understands me.

blah~ get over it, do better than them and excel in design
friends aren't friends in college, i realised
they're merely tools.


if he didnt make the stupid comment
there wont be conflict in the group
and there wont be flashbacks in my mind
whose fucking fault is this?

hahah, learnt that i've got 2 haters all these while. nice.
pathetic fools, so egoistic and prideful,
say things so directly that they dont even think before they say.
blah
pathetic, group work sucks.

well, its september already.
today, our assignments of drawing and composition was graded.
i felt it was graded unfairly and the teacher was biased
many of our early work, were not shaded, cause the teacher say theres no need to
thus we followed his instructions, but there were some who shaded and did extra work to it
apparently it was those foreign students.
we followe instructions, because we obey,
they did extra work, because they didnt obey
thus they get higher marks, issit fair ?
ok, no next time, strategised myself,
next time, any assignments, must be done beyond instructions given
i am not courting my own death, i am following the path of the disobedient.
mehhhhh.....

just finished my supper
went to dhoby ghaut to meet ting ting, hweeling and mr alex to chat
went starbucks, then to somerset.
mr alex brought us to a swiss restaurant, called the marche
the restaurant is underground
with all the fresh ingredients.
mr alex treated us a jug of beer, i tell you, nothing is better than drinking with friends
the beer was very smooth.
mr alex even gave his namecard, his own design company
coolness, 3years down the work, i could work there, as a internship
XD, dont have to worry about finding one .
this chat session, seems to relieve my stress.
and after chatting with them, i feel more enlightened.
have to focus on my foundation studies now. main priority.
everything shall be a joyful and meaningful learning process.

i met a new neighbour,
a neighbour whom i longed to make fren with
finally, he approached me today
and ue knw why?
he saw me carrying NAFA handbag. so he asked if i do arts.

he does fine art, his sculpture outside of his house, damn amazing
he's from lasalle.
graduated, currently working as an art trainer
he viewed my works this morning,
he said he's gonna show me his next time.
He specialised in printmaking. hahaha!
another art friend.
a veteran one too, got alot of questions to ask him .
shall do painting and stuffs with him, when he's free.
still got 2 pieces of styrofoam not painted yet.
gonna plan for my wall mural as time goes by, shall do a magnificient one.

so many he(s)
cause i forgot to ask his name.
ue never know how happy i was, to meet someone who enjoys art as much as i do

have been sick these few days due to the weird weather

yesterday was national day
went out for lunch with my ex-colleagues,
the headed to vivo city for sightseeing
we had beers and chips
reached home about  8+
the heavy feeling is still lingering
its good, i feel high,
drank a few more cans after that, and went to sleep
right now i am having a hangover. -_-
i've never felt so happy for a long time.

Design and elements,  the lecturer said half the class did badly for the assignments
i was worried, and consulted him after that
he said mine's still fine, not that bad. haha
was relieved to hear that.
i shall continue to submit quality work. ^^
what a dragggg,
gonna have a lecture at 6 later.
i feel like sleeping~

Life is an art of drawing without a eraser.
dont be bothered by the mistakes that you had made
instead be concern about what you're gonna draw.
even if its a line that cuts ue away from something.

finished wathing anego
the main actress didnt get married in the end
there's supposed to have a special episode, but its broken at mysoju.com
youtube doesnt seem to have it either.
where else can i watch it?

i did a research on the female actress
she's 37!

theres another drama, called unfair, and theres a movie version of it
i am gonna watch it someday, right now, i am tired from watching these.
its so freaking hot today, my room felt like a sauna.

have been watching this drama called anego
its a story of a 32 year old lady who haven't found her true love
then there came a 22 year old boy , who fell in love with her
however when this lady propose to him, he said he need time,
he need 5 years to consider, she was devastated of course.
very sad. at episode 7 now. T.T

be happy this moment
and that moment is your life..

Don't worry about the people in the past.
There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

i believe everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go.
Things go wrong so that you'd appreciate them when they're right.
You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself.
And sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.

this is my 3d popup card that we did last week
we were graded..  i got 68, sad.
i tried my best alrdy, sigh~ suck,
3d suck. this is not my field of profession

yeah ! collecting my wacom tmr !
waited for 2 weeks already
my homeworks are done , except for a major one,
the illustrations project , 6~8 sketches
its like doing preparatory work for mid year exams in sec sch
hahaha! i am glad i was trained back then.
no sweat, this is chicken feet.

my blog chat box, is infested with weirdos...
should i delete it away?..

learnt a lesson today, over-enthusiasm will only lead ue to a downfall. i was too excited, but excitement turned to peer pressure, which caused me tension and stress. i shall take things slow and easy~ everything in college is completely different. homeworks are to be handed in 1 week time, and tension builds up if assignments are accumulated. just like what happened today. I was paranoid about yesterday's 3D studies assignment, and today i had a se of new homework, how can i not get agitated and panicked? 

I can feel that my life is glimmering with hope . A life that contains countless of opportunities and chance for me to shine. My road to success is already paved. I had many downfalls in the past , but now nothing can stop me . No break down or wadever. I am invincible, wahahaha! I couldn't be any happier ! I am gradually enlightned by myself. No gods no shits . This is me and my hardwork . Yes ! Jr , this is it. You have created your life out of shits !

pain is the rear side of happiness
loneliness is the rear side of strength
and disappointment is the rear side of hope.

no words can described how happy i am in school !
intro to illustrations, has already waken up my creativity
wahahahaha! right now, i'll just have to boost my creativity by reading reference books .

i am glad my classmates called me JR , like how my sec schoolmates used to call me.

tmr heading down to central manpower base during the two hours break to defer my ns
finally, =D



Through sadness you have taught us to be one with the crowd

Unveil the sacred order, hymns of falling down
You told the greatest stories, of love and bleeding crowns
But to the sick and hungry, you cannot be found

first day of school
was late, but its the first day, some of us was wake as well,
our class was quite united, we moved from class to class, together
3d studies, had already started me off paranoid,
we had to do papercutting, whats this shit?
photography and design lessons was fine,
it got us all into photography , in terms of aspects, catergories
i love modelling, portraits.
It somehow shows a depth of professionalism.

i tried my best, did my best, but to everything, theres no avail
why do people have close friends, and i have none.
why are my efforts never enough ?
Do friend really regard ue as one, because of your status?
Growing up, i always felt like an outcast
friends come and go, yeah, "reflect on yourself"
efforts, initiative and everything has to be put in to boost a friendship
however, why am i the one always trying?
and i always land myself in circle of nothing.
its an endless cycle, of trying your best, and no one notices you
you know how it feels? like a pile of bullshit , like a contagiously diseased , like a hopeless infected
like a socially-inept outcast who will never fit into the crowd, and its condemned.
and every night , I lay on my bed at night, clutching the sheets to myself as a sort of protective cocoon
thinking about people who know who I am and walk past me anyway . The people who don't care to know who am i .

this is a society of bullshits
a community of bullshits
of friendships that are bullshits
and everything else on this fucking earth are the same.

i only wished to befriend truly and sincerely

i cut my hair on 18th june, thats when i was sick and paranoid
sigh~ its been about a month, my hair is still short
=( i want my long hair back !

yesterday was orientation,
it was boring, with mnay talks and tours.
too much to absorb
for the registration of modules, many of us dont get what they are saying
school gonna be tough, the modules content is damn freaking complex.
nevertheless, its just the beginning, on my route to become an illustrator.

down with one last day
finally, one last final day !

5 more days
my energy is running out, drying up soon
5more days! argh

had been dreaming about random people nowadays
just yesterday, i dreamt i was walking in an alley alone
suddenly there's a whole group of people came running in
some pushed me, some knocked me
and i fell down, breaking my spects.
i was so tired i couldn't get up
and unexpectedly someone came, reaching his hands to help me up

                                                 Maybe someday I can meet you there

ouch, i accidentally cut my lips while shaving my moustache.
T.T  stupidity, lols

my agent called yesterday and asked if i could extend my contract till 12th
and so i agreed without hesitation, lol?
i got this job thanks to her, so i dont mind helping her for one last time

i realised i could do things repeatedly without complains now
my mentality and patience has gradually increased
but whats freaking irritating now, is, the people there aren't automatic
or in other words, not initiative.
the boxes and parcels are damn freaking heavy, and they just stood one corner and watched
furthermore when i am carrying the boxes to another place, they are blocking my wall,
just like a wooden block, -.-
i wonder if they had brains? fuck them,
and its china domination nowadays.
so many china workers , super uncouth.

scolding vulgarities doesn't mean anything
it just shows that you're uncouth. 

and fooling around , or playing afool at work, just shows that your level of maturity is very very low
not that my EQ is low, but i don't find it fun to play in a dangerous working zone, dumbass.
every freaking word out of their mouth are vulgarities. oh gosh, its not a healthy environment for me.
nvm, 13 more days. till 12th july. RAWR!

For the statistics in the collected whole ,
they are the hunger that keeps me climbing
its the only thing you can count on
we all end floating away

"you" , you're boring thats, what they say
"you" , you're sinking , so they say
"you" , youre finished , and so they say

There's a moment in life when you're tired of chasing everything and everyone..

13more days!

14 more days!
burnt out, damn tired. X.X
i havent seen my dad for 5 days.. sigh~

15 more days

16 more days.

17 more days!
count down with me to the end of my freaking work !

i havent cut my hair for half a year
and the streak ends today
my hair is super duper short now
lols, i got paranoid with my hair in middle of shopping with my family,
and i rant about my hair, so i got my hair cut after dinner
its super super short man. not used to it,
look shitty now. fuck .
school gonna start, i hope my hair can grow nice, damn.
HAIR is always a problem for me, i cant get a nice haircut in the end. -_-
now hair, please GROW !

there there, i know whats wrong with me
i am sick. Everyday's gloomy mood gonna make me sick sooner or later
so i'll try to be cheerful everyday, but how?
23more days to the last day of work, cmon!

suffered from food poisoning on tuesday
vomitted about 7, 8 times
was horrible, i cant even drink water
i puke everything i swallow..
and i have lost weight over the 2 days, see how horrible it is?
pathetic shit, missed my $$$ yesterday
sick, very very sick..
sick of this , sick of that,
sick of everything, sick of the world !
RAWR~~~~

The artist is just that
One who expressions himself however he sees fit
No editing
No reworking
No sensors
Giving the repressed emotion a way out slowly
Controling the words and expressions
Sadly it was never enough
Such sadness can not be given life through simple words on the paper
However the artist is always resourceful
A different canvas called his name  
All my sorrow and anguish were never exposed
A new brush comes with the canvas as the artists hands became my own
Breaking the surface of the shell that hide it all for so many years
Soothing the savage animal caged inside
The artist brought peace to my mind
The horrible thoughts that once gripped my mind had loosened their grasp
When i let the artist express i was free
Above all the tears shame and bloodshed
The artist does what we're all afraid too
Blind absolute expresion
No regret during his work
His brush strokes calm and steady
His work takes on the emotion otherwise unexpressable
Gives my feelings life
As the feelings continue to pour out the artist's brush grows busier and busier
There is a spell cast upon me
Ignorant to the growing problem
Denying that artist's hunger was growing
The canvas was shrinking
Somewhere inside im sure i saw what was coming
But the desire for lack of responsiblity and freedom was so strong
I fueled my own delusions
The artist's voice once charming sweet and thoughtful
Was now forceful and absolute  
I had surrendered my freedom to the artist
I was now nothing more than a tattered old canvas of my own emotions
Slowly becoming less and less human
I fought the artist
Tired of battling for the rights of my own body
The artist held me in firm control forcing me to wear his now uninspired works
No longer fueled by emotion the artist now mearly went through the motions
HIs works now backround among the truely meaningful pieces
Without my emtions to feed off of the artist lost control
A like awakening from a dream i again had the chance to control my life
The artist is now old and frail
Almost nonexistance
In his works however
He speak for forever